As the entire world knows, a new video surfaced today of the Ray Rice domestic violence incident. This video is what happened inside the elevator. We all saw the aftermath when a very drunk Ray Rice is trying to get an unconscious Janay Palmer out of the elevator. The aftermath video may be the only one the NFL saw when they imposed the 2 game suspension on Rice. Janay herself also accompanied Rice to his meeting with Goodell and pleaded for a light suspension. What was she going to do with her abuser right there? Say "suspend his ass forever?"
I even defended Rice after the aftermath video. The story at the time was that she hit him first. Hey, someone hits you, you are entitled to self-defense. Now could you make like Jay-Z and not hit back when struck by a woman? Sure. But it is not wrong to defend yourself. And he was drunk, he might not have realized how hard he hit her since his reflexes were affected.
I stopped defending him after the joint press conference. Everything he said set off abuse alarm bells in my head. He was clearly all about control in his talk about "being the head of the family" and "leading." Again, Janay now Mrs. Rice was right there taking the blame. Because abused women believe that. "If only I hadn't provoked him, he wouldn't have hit me. I know how he gets." Make no mistake, before the first punch lands, the abuser has mentally abused the victim into believing she deserves it.
Then the interior video surfaced. It showed that Rice lied about what happened. Janay never laid a hand on her. I don't care what someone says, you don't hit. You. Do. Not. Hit. I don't care if it is most vile disgusting thing you have ever been called. You. Do. Not. Hit.
But face it, the Ravens and the NFL knew he hit her hard enough to knock her out. That only got him a 2 game suspension. He got cut and suspended indefinitely for lying about the circumstances that preceded the hit. The take away here is "Hit your fiancee, just don't lie about it."
Okay she married him. Why? Who nows? They have a kid together. Maybe he told her he would get custody of the kid because he had more money. I see this all the time in my practice. I explain and explain how custody is decided. In Maryland, the judge must consider any incidents of dometic violence when deciding custody. The judges have been educated that if domestic violence happens it is not always just confined to the parent and that even witnessing it affects the kids. I tell my clients that. They still believe that the barely literate moron they married can somehow manipulate the system in their favor. That deispite laws about custody, marital property and alimony, the abuser will get everything and the victim will be homeless with just the clothes on her back. These folks don't even have close to the resources of Ray Rice. With his millions (even cut he gets $25 million) she knows he has the resources to get a good lawyer who can make things difficult for her. Who knows what resources she has? If she even believes she can try. Remember I said above about the mental abuse? Yeah, that could be in play here. She's been told no one will love her like he does, that she is no good, that is it is her fault, etc. When you believe that, why not stay? You certainly don't believe you can make it without your abuser.
The Ravens have cut him. The NFL suspended Rice indefinitely. Sounds great right? I'll believe in the ban from the NFL if he never plays another down. But the reality is, there are different rules in the NFL for good players versus marginal players. Rice is a very good player. He can apply for reinstatement next year. If he promises never to lie again and has taken some anger management classes to show what a great guy he is, I will not be surprised if Goodell decides to "give him one more chance."
The other aspect of the cut and suspension is what will happen with Greg Hardy of the Panthers? He has already been convicted of assaulting his pregnant girlfriend, but the case is appeal. He played Sunday. Ray McDonald of the 49ers has only been arrested. In this country, innocent until proven guilty. Let's see what happens if he is convicted. If he is not convicted, the NFL should think long and hard about punishing him. Sure the NFL doesn't need a conviction to suspend someone. Sure not being convicted means legally didn't do it. But the NFL can protect the Shield and suspend anyway if they think there were manipulations (like paying off the victim to not testify or the victim was intimidated into not testify) to avoid the conviction. Either way, the NFL better get all the evidence before deciding again. And meet with the victim separately, thank you very much.
Showing posts with label domestic violence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label domestic violence. Show all posts
Monday, September 8, 2014
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Who Gets the Kids -- When Mom and Dad Are No Longer Around
Custody is usually decided between Mom and Dad. After all that is the point of a custody order -- to decide with whom the kids will live when. If Mom and Dad are living together, there is no custody to decide. If only one parent is available for some reason such as hospitalization, incarceration or sadly, death, then that parent gets custody.
Grandparents have few rights to get custody of kids. If Mom and Dad are both around, they have almost no chance. Even if one parent is gone, the parents of the missing parent do not just step into the void created and act as the other parent. The surviving available parent is sole custodian of the children. With all the rights to determine who sees the child when as before.
Grandparents can get custody but there are some hurdles to overcome. In Maryland you have to show extraordinary circumstances and unfitness of parents. These two actually go hand in hand. If the parent is unfit, there are extraordinary circumstances. If there are substance abuse issues or incarcerations, the parents are not fit to have custody. Usually in those situations, the child has been left with a grandparent anyway. The grandparent then is really just getting the court to recognize legally what the situation actually is. The grandparents are the primary caregivers of the child, making all the decisions for the child.
But what happens when both parents are gone? That situation is playing out in a Missouri Courtroom beginning June 11. The underlying facts are as follows: Jovan Belcher of the Kansis City Chiefs shot and killed Kasandra Perkins, the mother of his child last fall. He then drove to Arrowhead stadium and killed himself in front of his coaches. This left a little girl with no parents. His mother was present for the shooting. In the immediate aftermath, she began caring for the child. She allowed the parents of Perkins to take the child to Texas for her mother's funeral. The Perkins family then refused to return the child. The child is currently being cared for by a cousin of Perkins.
It is up to a judge to decide which family it is in the child's best interest to live with. He will have to look at a lot of factors, not the least why this child is an orphan. He will also have to evaluate whether the requests to care for the child are motivated by true love and affection for the child or money. You see the child is quite wealthy. There is insurance money as well as a fund set up for her. Whoever gets custody will most likely get control of the money.
Of course, the court could craft a compromise. Physical custody with one family, visitation with the other. Although until the child is old enough to travel alone (which won't be for years, she is only 8 months old now), the families will have to meet. How do the families meet knowing that a member of the Belcher family killed a member of the Perkins family, leading to the current situation? As for the money, both grandmothers could be appointed joint trustees with a requirement for agreement on any spending. That should keep any one family from exploiting the child.
This is one of the hard ones. Deciding custody between two fit parents is hard enough. Add in a murder and it becomes the stuff that keeps judges awake at night.
Grandparents have few rights to get custody of kids. If Mom and Dad are both around, they have almost no chance. Even if one parent is gone, the parents of the missing parent do not just step into the void created and act as the other parent. The surviving available parent is sole custodian of the children. With all the rights to determine who sees the child when as before.
Grandparents can get custody but there are some hurdles to overcome. In Maryland you have to show extraordinary circumstances and unfitness of parents. These two actually go hand in hand. If the parent is unfit, there are extraordinary circumstances. If there are substance abuse issues or incarcerations, the parents are not fit to have custody. Usually in those situations, the child has been left with a grandparent anyway. The grandparent then is really just getting the court to recognize legally what the situation actually is. The grandparents are the primary caregivers of the child, making all the decisions for the child.
But what happens when both parents are gone? That situation is playing out in a Missouri Courtroom beginning June 11. The underlying facts are as follows: Jovan Belcher of the Kansis City Chiefs shot and killed Kasandra Perkins, the mother of his child last fall. He then drove to Arrowhead stadium and killed himself in front of his coaches. This left a little girl with no parents. His mother was present for the shooting. In the immediate aftermath, she began caring for the child. She allowed the parents of Perkins to take the child to Texas for her mother's funeral. The Perkins family then refused to return the child. The child is currently being cared for by a cousin of Perkins.
It is up to a judge to decide which family it is in the child's best interest to live with. He will have to look at a lot of factors, not the least why this child is an orphan. He will also have to evaluate whether the requests to care for the child are motivated by true love and affection for the child or money. You see the child is quite wealthy. There is insurance money as well as a fund set up for her. Whoever gets custody will most likely get control of the money.
Of course, the court could craft a compromise. Physical custody with one family, visitation with the other. Although until the child is old enough to travel alone (which won't be for years, she is only 8 months old now), the families will have to meet. How do the families meet knowing that a member of the Belcher family killed a member of the Perkins family, leading to the current situation? As for the money, both grandmothers could be appointed joint trustees with a requirement for agreement on any spending. That should keep any one family from exploiting the child.
This is one of the hard ones. Deciding custody between two fit parents is hard enough. Add in a murder and it becomes the stuff that keeps judges awake at night.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Derby and DV
It's Kentucky Derby Day. The fastest two minutes in sports. The Kentucky Oaks was run yesterday. Every sports blog has posts on the Derby and/or the Oaks. DivorceField is not going to be left out thanks to jockey Robby Albarado.
Albarado was arrested yesterday morning on domestic violence charges. Even the "Sport of Kings" is not immune from domestic violence. Allegedly, Albarado got into a fight with his live-in girlfriend when she used his cell phone to call her family to leave him. She went to the hospital the next day and was found to have a shoulder separation, dislocated collarbone and possible torn ligaments. That's a little more than a tussle over the phone if her injuries were caused by the fight.
People argue. People who should not be together get into arguments while breaking up. It happens. There are lots of emotions involved in a relationship. What is never acceptable is violence. Don't hit. Don't grab. Don't smack. Don't touch in anyway. If you feel yourself losing control in an argument walk away.
Not all domestic violence incidents involve a loss of control. Those are somehow worse. But there is no such thing as a "minor" domestic violence incident. Any violence in a relationship is not acceptable.
Albarado found this out the hard way. Not only is he facing criminal charges, but Horse Racing acted quickly. He is suspended indefnitely effective immediately. Yes, he is innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. But being a jockey is a privilege. Horse Racing can suspend him merely for the arrest. This policy is to be commended. Albarado won't be riding in the Oaks or the Derby. Immediate consequences for unacceptable behavior may convince those who commit DV that they shouldn't do it.
Albarado was arrested yesterday morning on domestic violence charges. Even the "Sport of Kings" is not immune from domestic violence. Allegedly, Albarado got into a fight with his live-in girlfriend when she used his cell phone to call her family to leave him. She went to the hospital the next day and was found to have a shoulder separation, dislocated collarbone and possible torn ligaments. That's a little more than a tussle over the phone if her injuries were caused by the fight.
People argue. People who should not be together get into arguments while breaking up. It happens. There are lots of emotions involved in a relationship. What is never acceptable is violence. Don't hit. Don't grab. Don't smack. Don't touch in anyway. If you feel yourself losing control in an argument walk away.
Not all domestic violence incidents involve a loss of control. Those are somehow worse. But there is no such thing as a "minor" domestic violence incident. Any violence in a relationship is not acceptable.
Albarado found this out the hard way. Not only is he facing criminal charges, but Horse Racing acted quickly. He is suspended indefnitely effective immediately. Yes, he is innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. But being a jockey is a privilege. Horse Racing can suspend him merely for the arrest. This policy is to be commended. Albarado won't be riding in the Oaks or the Derby. Immediate consequences for unacceptable behavior may convince those who commit DV that they shouldn't do it.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
New Year's Resolution
Got a little behind in posting. My trial schedule was a little unbelievable. Then I was too exhausted over the holidays to do anything. Sorry about that.
Here's what I missed:
Kobe Bryant's wife filed for divorce. Apparently there was no pre-nup. All I gotta say on that one is "What an idiot." The guy makes millions because of his unique ability to play basketball, yet he does not protect his ass -ets by having a pre-nup. This is the wife he had a lot of explaining to do back in 2004, that one cost him a big old ring. This divorce could cost him even more.
Floyd Mayweather is sentenced to 90 days in jail for domestic violence. Well, it's a start. But 90 days is hardly getting tough on the crime of domestic violence. He must report to jail by January 6. Happy New Year, Floyd.
Okay, there are probably other stories. I promise to do better in 2012. More stories (provided the athletes cooperate), more analysis. All provided in a timely analysis.
Hope 2012 is a wonderful year for everyone.
Here's what I missed:
Kobe Bryant's wife filed for divorce. Apparently there was no pre-nup. All I gotta say on that one is "What an idiot." The guy makes millions because of his unique ability to play basketball, yet he does not protect his ass -ets by having a pre-nup. This is the wife he had a lot of explaining to do back in 2004, that one cost him a big old ring. This divorce could cost him even more.
Floyd Mayweather is sentenced to 90 days in jail for domestic violence. Well, it's a start. But 90 days is hardly getting tough on the crime of domestic violence. He must report to jail by January 6. Happy New Year, Floyd.
Okay, there are probably other stories. I promise to do better in 2012. More stories (provided the athletes cooperate), more analysis. All provided in a timely analysis.
Hope 2012 is a wonderful year for everyone.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Not Just the Team Loses
Sorry I have not posted in a while. Hate when life and the day job gets in the way of the fun stuff. Except what I have to post today is not so fun.
It has long been presumed that domestic violence is a problem in professional athlete families. It seems that the NFL has the biggest problem in this area. Now it seems the NFL fans have a problem too.
When the team one roots for loses, it is terrible. You know you have to go to work on Monday and try to explain to all your colleagues what happened. (Last year, as a Dallas fan, I just said "We suck" a lot). It bums you out. But, there is always next week (unless one roots for the Lions, Bengals, Browns or Raiders). Eventually, you get over it. You might be a bit morose for a bit or even a bit short with the family. Nothing serious though.
Except for some fans. For some fans, a team loss is just another excuse to beat the crap out of their significant other. A new study published in the Quarterly Journal of Economics shows a 10% increase in domestic violence after a team loss, especially if the team should have won. In other words, guys get mad that their team didn't win a game they should have and they take it out on their wives or girlfriends. They don't get mad at the team. Mostly because going to confront a 300 pound guy about a loss in a game is not a good idea. See, abusers know who they can get away with abusing. It ain't the 300 pound guy or their bosses. It's the person they claim they love.
They were not more violent when the team lost when it was unexpected to lose. It appears then there is a link between unmet expectations (team loses when it should have won) and the violence. These spoiled men then take their anger for not getting what they want on the person they claim to love. Much like a child throwing a temper tantrum because mommy won't buy him a new toy. These men never grew up, never learned to deal with adversity. It's always someone's fault.
Here's a thought. Just watch the damn game. If it was all about who was "supposed" to win, they wouldn't bother to play. They would just post the win based on expectations. So grow the hell up. It's a game. It's not like it really effects your life whether your favorite football team wins or loses. Your life will go on just the same.
It has long been presumed that domestic violence is a problem in professional athlete families. It seems that the NFL has the biggest problem in this area. Now it seems the NFL fans have a problem too.
When the team one roots for loses, it is terrible. You know you have to go to work on Monday and try to explain to all your colleagues what happened. (Last year, as a Dallas fan, I just said "We suck" a lot). It bums you out. But, there is always next week (unless one roots for the Lions, Bengals, Browns or Raiders). Eventually, you get over it. You might be a bit morose for a bit or even a bit short with the family. Nothing serious though.
Except for some fans. For some fans, a team loss is just another excuse to beat the crap out of their significant other. A new study published in the Quarterly Journal of Economics shows a 10% increase in domestic violence after a team loss, especially if the team should have won. In other words, guys get mad that their team didn't win a game they should have and they take it out on their wives or girlfriends. They don't get mad at the team. Mostly because going to confront a 300 pound guy about a loss in a game is not a good idea. See, abusers know who they can get away with abusing. It ain't the 300 pound guy or their bosses. It's the person they claim they love.
They were not more violent when the team lost when it was unexpected to lose. It appears then there is a link between unmet expectations (team loses when it should have won) and the violence. These spoiled men then take their anger for not getting what they want on the person they claim to love. Much like a child throwing a temper tantrum because mommy won't buy him a new toy. These men never grew up, never learned to deal with adversity. It's always someone's fault.
Here's a thought. Just watch the damn game. If it was all about who was "supposed" to win, they wouldn't bother to play. They would just post the win based on expectations. So grow the hell up. It's a game. It's not like it really effects your life whether your favorite football team wins or loses. Your life will go on just the same.
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