NCAA and Custody

Last week was National Signing Day.   Normally I don't care where high schoolers are going to college (unless related to me).   This blog is about professional athletes and their family law problems.   College students -- even pre-college students -- are not technically professional athletes.   But hey, the schools will make millions off the sweat of these kids and this is too good a story.

Alex Collins a star player in Plantation, Florida went to his high school to sign his NLI.  He wants to go to Arkansas (soooey).   His mom wants him to go to Miami (uh yeah whatever they say there).   She took his Letter of Intent and left the building.  The obvious solution is "Get another Letter."   Apparently it is not that easy.   Although some of these high schoolers are 18 and will most likely be 18 by the time they play for their chosen school, the NCAA apparently requires a parent to co-sign.

So end of story unless Alex can talk him mom around right?   Well, Alex did what we all did when we were kids.   Mom said no, so he asked his Dad.  They got  a new letter and signed it the next day with Dad co-signing.

Mom retaliated by hiring a lawyer.  She is exploring her legal options.   Not sure what they are with regards to forcing her son to go to a school he doesn't want to go.   He's going to play football, it's not like she has to pay for his education.

But she might have grounds to challenge the legality of the NLI.   Alex's Mom and Dad are not married.   Presumably there is a custody order.   Custody takes two forms -- physical and legal.   Physical is where the child lays his head at night.   Where does Alex sleep (or supposed to sleep, there are indications he actually lives with his coach) on a regular basis?   Physical custody won't mean anything in this mess.

Legal custody is the big one.   Legal custody is the big life decisions about a child.   What religion is he raised in?  Does he attend public or private school?   Do we allow him to play football?  And the big one -- who can legally sign documents on the child's behalf.

Legal custody can be joint or sole.   If joint, the parents must consult with each other and reach shared decisions about the child.   If sole, only one parent makes the decisions but should keep the other parent informed.

If Alex's Mom had joint custody with Alex's Dad, it may be determined that either parent could sign the NLI just as if there were no custody order.   If Alex's Mom had sole though, Dad might not have had authority to sign it.   If Dad had no authority, the signing is void.   Which means Alex is back to persuading Mom to let him cut the aprons strings and move away from home.

I am going to keep watching this to see if anything actually happens from Mom retaining a lawyer.

Keep the Ex and the New SO Apart

Thanksgiving, that time when families comes together -- and custody handoffs occur.   Everyone wants the little angels to spend Thanksgiving with them, not the other parent.   But hey, there is a court order stating otherwise.   The Court Order controls.  

So, the split has occurred and everyone has moved on.   There is a new Significant Other in one parent's life.   Gues what, this new SO is NOT a parent.   They should not be involved in the Custody Order, the pick ups or the drop offs.   Even if the new SO lives with the parent.   If the pick up and drop off occurs at the house, the new SO needs to make his/herself scarce.   No confrontations at the front door, in the living room, in the driveway.

Did I say the driveway?   Yep, that is what happened to Halle Berry with her new fiance and her old boyfriend (who happens to be the father of her child).   Halle is already irked because she was not allowed to move to France.  Turns out dad has rights.   Go figure.   Money does not trump that.

So, Dad has the little cutie overnight and returns her today.   All nice and correct.  Until the new fiance decides to insert himself in the situation.    He approached Dad during the dropoff and tries to make nice.   Which seems like a good thing -- except it is not his job to do that.   He needs to stay out of the situation between Halle and Daddy.   It is not his business.

Now, what Dad did is not right.  He charged Fiance and started a fight.   A serious fight which ended with both men in the hospital.   Dad is also facing misdemeanor charges.   Which is wonderful example to set for his kid.   Fortunately, Halle rushed the child into the house as soon as the fight started.   But kids are not stupid.   She is old enough to know daddy and Mommy's new friend got into a fight.  

Yes Dad was wrong to treat a gesture of conciliation as an invitation to fight.   However, again, fiance needs to keep his nose of things that are none of his business.    I get more calls in my practice after the case is over where the new person in the other parent's life is causing trouble.   Talking trash, trying to take the parent's place in the kid's life, disciplining the kids, and generally interefering.   This could all be avoided if the new SO just understood - you have no rights to these kids so stay out of it.   If the parent insists on inserting the SO into the situation, rather than dealing with the other parent on his/her own, that is equally wrong.   The parents are the parents.  Period.   Keep others out of it.  

Or it leads to this -- someone going to jail.   And a child who feels horribly caught in the middle.

(okay, this one is not sports related, but it was too good a lesson to teach.   And it was Halle Berry, I am not dumb enough to miss the SEO implications of that)

"Not Even Once" Means You Too, Ocho

Now airing is a new PSA against domestic violence.   It features various sports figures speaking out against domestic violence saying that you don't hit someone you love even once.   It features David Beckham (all too briefly), Eli Manning and others along with Barack Obama and Joe Biden.   It does not feature Chad "Ochocinco" Johnson.    Which is a good thing considering the events of this weekend.

Chad was arrested Saturday night after an altercation with his wife one month, Evelyn Lozada.   It began over allegations of cheating and ended with violence.   He claims she headbutted him, she claims he headbutted her.   She was the one with the laceration and went to the hospital.

All of this is allegations at this point.   We don't know what happened between the two or who did what to whom.   What you don't do when someone is furious with you is get in a small enclosed space.   Which is what they did.   They were outside the car at home and got back  in the car to talk.    Furthermore, if the fight is getting heated -- walk away.  There is no rule that says you have to continue a fight.

Some men will say she was asking for it.   No one asks to be hit.   If someone is provoking you to the point that you feel you have no choice -- you do have a choice.   Walk. Away.

You don't want to be set up.   Walk. Away.

Be the better person and don't get into a physical fight.    It doesn't solve anything.   It just makes things very much worse.  

"Not even once" was taken seriously by the Dolphins.   They cut Johnson on Sunday night.  Yes, innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.   But your employer doesn't have to keep you employed.   If you get arrested as an NFL player or a barista at Starbucks you can lose your job.    Is your income really worth smacking someone upside the head?

Domestic violence is not acceptable.   It is not a way to resolve issues in a relationship.   It is about power.   Power that you think you have until the police put the cuffs on you and you find out who really has the power.

Divorce - NFL Style

The New Orleans Saints have been in the news a lot this offseason.   Not always for good reasons. Now they got another headline they probably didn't need.    Head Coach Sean Payton has filed for divorce.   The usual reasons of "irreconciliable difference" is cited.

Although he coaches in New Orleans, the filings are in Tarrant County, Texas.   This is due to a quirk of coaching in the NFL.    Coaching jobs can be short in duration.    Better to have one home for the kids while dad heads out to work.    Makes for not seeing a lot of dad during the season, but at least the kids aren't uprooted every few years.  

Mrs. Payton has counterfiled for residential and legal custody of the kids.   That means she wants the kids to remain in Tarrant County.    Legal custody means she wants to make the decisions about the kids' upbringing.    Joint legal might be preferred (at least in Maryland) but sometimes it doesn't work.    I can see a judge looking at the work hours of an NFL head coach and just saying, "Decisions about the kids need to be made in a timely fashion, Dad can't do that most months of the year, Mom gets to make decisions."   This does not mean Dad is cut out.   Dad still has a right to know what is going on with his children.   Period.   No hiding information just because Mom is the decision-maker.

At least with Payton's year long suspension from coaching, he will have time to devote to this case. On the other hand, it is a suspension without pay.    That could make calculating child support interesting.    If Dad technically has no income (I forget what Payton is doing this year to keep busy since he can't even attend the Saints games), how can he support the kids?   On the other hand, he is expected to work in order to be able to support the kids.    Since the Saints have said Payton is coming back as HC next year, a smart lawyer would ask the judge to calculate the child support on his contractual income.   Let Payton's lawyer argue against it.  

Fundraising for Cancer Research

I don't just snark about athletes and their family law troubles.   I also tried to get involved in helping others outside the law.    To that end, I have started a FirstGiving fundraising to raise funds for children's cancer research.  

READ FOR A CURE

The goal is to read 50 books by the end of the year.   I am seeking donations of $10 for every book I intend to read.   This means $500 for cancer research (more if I read more, in other words, the more I get, the more I read).  

Please help this very worthy cause.

Divorce is a Distraction

Football requires focus and confidence.   So do most other jobs.   Lose your focus in football and you get steamrollered.   Lose your focus in your average job and you could get fired.    Just ask Quentin Jammer how going through a divorce can affect one.

Jammer had a terrible 2011 season.   One reason he gives is that he was going through a divorce.   The drinking he admits to probably didn't help either.   But the divorce probably triggered everything else.

A divorce is a highly emotional time.   You are splitting from the person you once loved.   All that love and sense of lost (even if you want the divorce) get all caught up together.   It is a rough time.   In the meantime, you are expected to function normally and get through every day life.   Sometimes all you want to do is scream.

These are normal emotions.   What you can't do is let them overwhelm you.   You can't dwell constantly on the lost.   Or your current feelings for your spouse.   If you do, you will lose focus.   You will lose confidence.   It will definitely make a bad situation worse.

Get help.   Talk to a professional.   Do not natter on to your friends all the time about it.   First of all, they are not professionals, they cannot give you the advice you really need.   Also, if all you talk about is your divorce, your friends will soon get sick of being around you.   Then they won't be your friends anymore and you will be alone.   Again, a bad situation made worse.   Definitely do not post each and every feeling you are having to Facebook or Twitter.   The whole world does not need to hear the intimiate details of your life.   Your spouse's lawyer will have a field day with the posts.  

Accept your feelings as normal.   If you find yourself unable to cope, get professional help.   And hang in there.    Time heals all wounds.

Tell It to the Judge

Oh this is so not a good idea.    T.O. is going on Dr. Phil to give his side of allegations that he owes $20K in child support.   Let's leave aside the fact that Dr. Phil is not exactly a nice guy who is understanding about people's shortcomings.    Let's focus on why this is a bad, bad, bad idea for T.O.

First of all, either he owes the child support or he doesn't.    There's not a lot of sides to this story.    There's a court order for the support and either he paid what he was supposed to pay or he did not.   If he did pay, his lawyer should be filing a Motion to Dismiss.   If he did not, what the heck is there to explain?

Which leads to second of all, you don't do your explaining on TV.   You do your explaining in court.   A TV audience is not a judge.   A TV audience cannot excuse you from your court order duty to pay child support.   Any explanation you give on tv is not going to impress a judge.

Third of all, what any explanation will do is give an explanation you are stuck with.   If you try to change your story later, the other party just has to produce a tape of the Dr. Phil show and say "That's not what you said before."    It's called prior statements.   Doesn't matter if you are under oath.

TV, Facebook, Twitter, etc. are not the places to plead your case.   It does more harm than good.   Once you are involved in court -- or think you might wind up in court -- shut up.   Keep your thoughts between you and your attorney.  

Derby and DV

It's Kentucky Derby Day.   The fastest two minutes in sports.   The Kentucky Oaks was run yesterday.   Every sports blog has posts on the Derby and/or the Oaks.   DivorceField is not going to be left out thanks to jockey Robby Albarado.

Albarado was arrested yesterday morning on domestic violence charges.  Even the "Sport of Kings" is not immune from domestic violence.   Allegedly, Albarado got into a fight with his live-in girlfriend when she used his cell phone to call her family to leave him.    She went to the hospital the next day and was found to have a shoulder separation, dislocated collarbone and possible torn ligaments.   That's a little more than a tussle over the phone if her injuries were caused by the fight.

People argue.   People who should not be together get into arguments while breaking up.   It happens.   There are lots of emotions involved in a relationship.    What is never acceptable is violence.   Don't hit.  Don't grab.  Don't smack.  Don't touch in anyway.    If you feel yourself losing control in an argument walk away.  

Not all domestic violence incidents involve a loss of control.   Those are somehow worse.  But there is no such thing as a "minor" domestic violence incident.  Any violence in a relationship is not acceptable.  

Albarado found this out the hard way.   Not only is he facing criminal charges, but Horse Racing acted quickly. He is suspended indefnitely effective immediately.   Yes, he is innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.   But being a jockey is a privilege.    Horse Racing can suspend him merely for the arrest.   This policy is to be commended.   Albarado won't be riding in the Oaks or the Derby.   Immediate consequences for unacceptable behavior may convince those who commit DV that they shouldn't do it.  

Don't Tweet Your Divorce

Honestly people.   Some things should be kept private.    Your divorce and the whole mess you are going through with your spouse is one of those things.   But what can one expect from "Primetime?"   Yep, Deion Sanders is taking to twitter about his divorce.    He decided to tell all his followers about the difficulties he is having with his soon to be ex-wife.  This is such a bad idea.

First there are the evidentiary issues.   Twitter is not private.   Everything you post on Twitter, Facebook, MySpace (for the two users of MySpace left), linked in, Pinterest and every other darn social media site is pretty much public information now.    Which means it can be used by either party in the divorce.   There is no claim of privilege or privacy.   So, of above all, don't be posting advice your attorney gives you anywhere on the internet. That destroys attorney-client privilege.  

But also, don't be posting how you are going to mess your spouse up, how you are going to get the kids and make sure your spouse never sees them, or anything like that.   Don't even post like Deion Sanders did about an alleged assault.    It doesn't make your spouse look near as bad as you think it does.   It does make it you look like a big jerk.  Guess how well courts like someone that comes across as a big jerk?   Here's a hint -- not much.  

Second of all, your children will read your postings.   Your kids do not need to see you badmouthing the other parent in a public forum.    Believe it or not,  this does not make the kids love you more.   It just makes them feel caught in the middle.   It makes them feel like they are doing something wrong by loving the other parent.   Don't put your kids in that position.    Keep your feelings about the other parent to yourself.   If you must let it out, don't do it in a way that your kids can find out.   Trust me, that they will love you for.

Take the high road.   Don't post.   Be the reasonable one.   It's a lot easier to get the court to see your point of view if you are reqsonable.   It's not reasonable to be spreading tales all over the internet.

Child Support and Bankruptcy

Warren Sapp, a current analyst on NFL Network and former Buccaneer and Raider has filed for bankruptcy.   He filed for Chapter 7, which is the liquidation one, not the one where you set up a payment plan.   I don't do bankruptcy (too much math) so I cannot get into the ins and outs of the filing.   But one thing is interesting, he owes the IRS approximately $900,000.   He also owes --- wait for it -- child support in the "hundreds of thousands of dollars" according to the PFT article.   Interesting.

You see, child support is not dischargeable in bankruptcy.   That means, you can't sell your assets, pay what you can on your child support and forget about it.   Child support is for the support of the child.   If it could be discharged in bankruptcy, every person who owes child support would just file for bankruptcy.   Then be free forever from paying it.   Or at least the arrears.   It would be against public policy to let the person get away with it.  

Here is what I really don't get.   Sapp has rought $6.45 in assets and only $6.75 in debts.   He also currently has a job (the contract expires in August 2012).   All of this is according to PFT.    Why is he filing bankruptcy?   Most of his debt is not dischargable in bankruptcy anyway, so he will still owe the money.   Why not work out the other debts and move forward?   Why not control your spending?   (note to Sapp, you are not making millions as an athlete anymore).    I just don't see how a liquidation bankruptcy really helps him in the long run.  

Especially as he will still owe the child support.   If the kids are young enough, the child support obligation will be ongoing (child support ends at 18 in Maryland, generally, no college payments required).   So, if he doesn't get his spending under control, he will be right back in debt.  

Child support does not go away.